Still lazy. I was out of town for four weeks. Here are some one-liners from Red Skelton:
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always
Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
I don’t hate my enemies. After all, I made ’em.
My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled.
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. ‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
Congress: Bingo with billions.
I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin.