Friday Funny

One of a series

Here’s a new twist:

A Dallas evangelist told his followers that an “anointed cake” baked by “hookers” turned a gay man straight.

The evangelist, Lance Wallnau, bills himself as a Christian consultant whose website says he helped get President Donald Trump elected with his book God’s Chaos Candidate.

Who would have thought? People who know me consider me to be a really straight guy. But, you know, cake.

And that is funny.

Friday Funny

One of a series

religion-cultsleaderdead

It’s Friday again. Surely there must be something funny in  the world today. How about checking in on the Catholic Church?

‘If homosexual relationships are intrinsically disordered, which indeed they are … then what would it mean to grandchildren to have present at a family gathering a family member who is living [in] a disordered relationship with another person?

‘If it were another kind of relationship – something that was profoundly disordered and harmful – we wouldn’t expose our children to that relationship, to the direct experience of it.

‘And neither should we do it in the context of a family member who not only suffers from same-sex attraction, but who has chosen to live out that attraction, to act upon it, committing acts which are always and everywhere wrong, evil.’

Those are the words of Cardinal Raymond Burke, speaking at a Synod of the Family in Rome. Senior Catholic figures gathered there to discuss family issues.

Cardinal Burke is not, himself, married and likely never has he ever been. It is also unlikely the cardinal has ever been engaged in a heterosexual relationship. He wears a dress and lives with a bunch of other men.

Now that is funny.

The Golden Divide

Politics-TrumpPenceConversion

There is a divide in American politics. It’s one I’ve seen building the past 50 years. It supersedes one that opened up in the late 1940s. In those days the Republican Party had been out of the White House for going on 16 years, and they needed desperately to get in the game. They found their hitch in communism. The Democratic administration was riddled with communists, not an unfair claim, since there was still work to be done making communism unpopular again. Many government employees were, indeed communists, or at least communist sympathizers—comsymps for short.

That grew tiring after nearly two decades of congressional and legislative abuse, and after it dawned on people that political affiliation is not a crime under United States law. While matters of national loyalty were still worthy of a salute, some slack remained. It was found to be necessary to widen the rift.

Then it was noticed that Democrats tended to be liberal, and liberal meant a lot of things:

  • Coddling criminals (e.g., Miranda)
  • Support for welfare spending
  • Absence of religiosity (much exaggerated, although freethinkers tend toward liberalism)
  • Anti gun (although some of the most liberal souls I have known were gun enthusiasts, even NRA members)
  • Anti military (liberals would not rather not spend the national treasure on WMD)

I can list more, but the line becomes blurry. The Golden Divide is today’s topic, and I will develop it further. Where to start?

First, backtrack to the matter of religiosity. Homosexuality is mentioned or inferred several places in the Bible. Islam, derived from Judaism, carries the tradition forward. Slackness on religion and a penchant for inclusiveness gets liberals, and in turn the Democratic Party, tagged with tolerance for homosexuality. Some would even say liberals embrace homosexuality on the same footing with the other kind. And there it stands.

There are degrees within the divide:

And more.

For those unclear whether a political divide exists, ask yourself some questions: If you need the legal right to deny equal service to homosexuals, which political party do you gravitate to? And on up the line.

I will be asked, “But what about the Log Cabin Republicans?” I ask that question, myself. The answer that comes to me naively is that other considerations of political conservatism (e.g., gun rights, disgusted with welfare moochers) outweigh the otherwise cold shoulder homosexuals can expect to find in the Republican ranks.

Let’s examine a recent Facebook dialog:

Politics-TrumpPenceAntiGay

For the record, and to enable search engines to find the pictured text, here is a transcription:

Dave Chandler

Hillary and Bill Clinton, and the Clinton Foundation, support this barbaric behavior because they accept millions of dollars from Islamic/Muslim countries who subjugate women and kill gays. Blood on the Clinton’s hands. They disgust me. This is graphic. Sharia has no place in America. And sheeple, this could be you just for being a Christian. So don’t think you would be immune from this type of treatment.

100PERCENTFEDUP.COM|BY 100% FED UP
James Bryan Dave.. I simply don’t underdstand how anyone– let alone the gay community– can support the Clintons. If Sharia law is ever implemented in this country, we will all be introuble, but some groups more than others… if you know what I mean…
John Blanton They are pure evil.
https://skeptic78240.wordpress.com/…/17/american-sharia/

Sharia law is an Islamic melding of church and state. American conservatives (Republicans) fail to notice a…
SKEPTIC78240.WORDPRESS.COM

Dave Chandler Yes John, I believe they are evil. Yes, the old guard Republican establishment has a hard time separating church and state. But the difference is they and Christians don’t go around publicly killing those that believe or live differently than they do. Those on the fringe that do suffer the consequences.

John Blanton What you are saying is that these conservative Christian extremists who have been advocating the killing of homosexuals have failed to live up to their own preaching. We can only hope they go back on their other promises.

Martha Pace Can’t even describe how I feel about this

Ignore the preamble. If somebody wants to come at me over “Hillary and Bill Clinton, and the Clinton Foundation, support this barbaric behavior because they accept millions of dollars from Islamic/Muslim countries…,” I will be happy to discuss it and put it where it fits. In the meantime it just gets us to the bottom three posts:

  • I likened sharia law to American Christian extremism. See my previous five bullet points.
  • Dave came back, pointing out that American Christian extremists don’t kill people. (Actually they do, but they tend to get prosecuted for it.)
  • I responded that not killing people just means they are not following through what they publicly advocate. Left implied is they don’t follow through because American law does not let people get away with this kind of stuff.

Anybody who disagrees the Golden Divide exists is invited to follow up. Use the comment section below.

Politics-TrumpMikePenceSignLGBTBill

Keep reading. And may Jesus have mercy on your soul.

American Sharia

HomosexualityIsASin-512

American Conservative Icon

Sharia law is an Islamic melding of church and state. American conservatives (Republicans) fail to notice a certain connection:

House Republicans at a conference meeting heard a Bible verse that calls for death for homosexuals shortly before the chamber voted on the morning of May 26 to reject a spending bill that included an amendment barring discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Whether the freshman member who gave the prayer intended to condemn members of the LGBT community has left Republicans and Democrats deeply divided. What’s certain is that the Energy-Water appropriations bill that came to the floor later in the morning was defeated on a resounding 112-305 vote, with a majority of the GOP caucus in opposition.

Georgia Rep. Rick W. Allen led the opening prayer by reading from Romans 1:18-32, and Revelations 22:18-19. An aide to Allen told CQ that Allen did not mention the upcoming vote on the Energy-Water spending bill or an amendment that would reinforce a presidential directive prohibiting federal contractors from discriminating against LGBT employees.

For those not familiar with American sharia, here are some excerpts from BibleGateway.com:

Romans 1:18-32 King James Version (KJV)

18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in unrighteousness;

19 Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them.

20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:

21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.

24 Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves:

25 Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.

26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

Revelation 22:18-19 King James Version (KJV)

18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

For some reason, as yet unexplained by groups such as the Log Cabin Republicans, people like Phil Robertson never show up in support of liberal (Democratic Party) candidates. Conservative readers are invited to post comments. Explain this odd phenomenon.

Keep reading. And may Jesus have mercy on your soul.

Friday Funny

One of a series

Religion-CharlesWorley

From YouTube

From Newslo, again. Their stuff is so funny:

“Pastor Charles Worley of Maiden, N.C.’s Providence Road Baptist Church recently told his congregation that lesbians and “queers” should be rounded up, placed in camps with electrified fencing and left to die.

Wait. I haven’t got to the funny part yet. In the middle of an interview he answered a call on his cell phone:

“Hey Chris, how are you doing? How’s everything in New Jersey?” the pastor inquired, leading Newslo’s interviewer to the obvious conclusion that the person on the other side of the line was, in fact, the Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. “Say, how’s that women’s Viagra pill deal working out? Uh-huh? That good? And any news on the anti-lesbian vaccine? Great, great. Listen, Chris, I just got a killer idea – have you ever thought about an anti-gay vaccine? I know, sounds epic, right? Look, set the wheels in motion and I’ve got the market and guinea pigs already set up on my end, don’t worry about it. Keep me posted. Talk later.”

Now, that’ funny.

Graham

I am so very sorry

Getting in a rut? Not I. Somebody else is:

The Rev. Franklin Graham said Monday that “activist judges” are to blame in the legalization of gay marriage.

Graham, son of the Rev. Billy Graham and CEO of Samaritan’s Purse and the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, was specifically referring to his home state of North Carolina. Sixty-one percent of the state’s residents, according to the Christian Post, were against same-sex marriages but a federal judge in the state recently overturned the ban on the practice anyway.

“It’s sad when a judge is able to overrule the will of the people,” Graham told WCNC Charlotte, an NBC affiliate, on Monday. “This is a democracy, and the people spoke, and we’re seeing that activist judges across the country are overturning the will of the people. We saw that in California. We’re now seeing it here in North Carolina now. I don’t know what will take place.”

So, “Activist judges” are overturning the will of the people. “This is a democracy, and the people spoke …” Yes they did. And the judges overruled the people. The judges overruled those people who opposed homosexual marriage. The judges did not overrule these people:

The Fourteenth Amendment (Amendment XIV) to the United States Constitution was adopted on July 9, 1868, as one of the Reconstruction Amendments. The amendment addresses citizenship rights and equal protection of the laws, and was proposed in response to issues related to former slaves following the American Civil War. The amendment was bitterly contested, particularly by Southern states, which were forced to ratify it in order for them to regain representation in Congress. The Fourteenth Amendment, particularly its first section, is one of the most litigated parts of the Constitution, forming the basis for landmark decisions such as Roe v. Wade(1973), regarding abortion, and Bush v. Gore (2000), regarding the 2000 presidential election. The amendment limits the actions of all state and local officials, including those acting on behalf of such an official.

[Some links deleted]

Please note, Reverend Graham, the 14th Amendment was enacted principally because of the actions of people in your state, North Carolina. This amendment was ratified in the manner required by the Constitution. Your state refused to ratify it but subsequently relented when Congress passed a law requiring former Confederate states to ratify before being re-admitted into the Union. It was your state, Reverend Graham, that had an issue with the first section requiring equal protection under the law. It is equal protection under the law that the people of your state apparently still reject.

Please, Reverend Graham, don’t tell us that you and the people of your state wish to return to the good old days prior to 1861 when all people were not afforded equal protection under the law.

And may Jesus have mercy on your soul.

You must remember this

Let me see…

Play it, Sam. Play it for old times sake.

Play it, Sam. Play it for old times sake.

I could have titled this one “The kiss seen ’round the world.” Of course you already know what this is all about.

NFL draft: Reactions heat up after Michael Sam kisses boyfriend on TV

By Holly Yan and Dave Alsup, CNN
updated 2:03 PM EDT, Mon May 12, 2014
(CNN) — Not long after Michael Sam became the first openly gay player drafted to the NFL, some made clear his reaction was not welcome.

Shortly after learning of his selection by phone, a visibly emotionalSam turned to his boyfriend and kissed him.

“I’m sorry but that Michael Sam is no bueno for doing that on national tv,” former Super Bowl champion Derrick Ward tweeted.

“Man U got little kids lookin at the draft. I can’t believe ESPN even allowed that to happen,” he added.

This would not have made much of a stir, even ten years ago, if this had been the latest comedy show star, let alone the New York Ballet’s latest draft pick. But guys, this is the NFL. This is where big tough guys suit up Sundays and do mighty battle to the death on live TV. These are men who chug a brewski and crush the empty on their foreheads. They eat nails for breakfast. This is America’s team.

The reaction from some quarters was predictable. Here’s more:

Miami Dolphins safety Don Jones also expressed his disapproval,tweeting “horrible” and “OMG” after the kiss was aired. He has since deleted those comments.

Sadly, there has been reaction from both sides:

Ward, who played for the New York Giants and the Houston Texans,said he has received death threats against him and his children after the comments.

People, there are some of you who need to crawl back under your rock.

The NFL is a business enterprise, and it is taking steps to protect the profit line:

But the Dolphins responded quickly, ordering Jones to pay an undisclosed fine and barring him from team activities until he finishes “training for his recent comments made on social media.”

I have an egg time, and I am counting the minutes until there is reaction from my conservative friends about this trammeling of free speech rights

In the few moments I’m waiting for that shoe to drop, I am contemplating the next move. The next kiss, if you will.

Yes, readers, there is still NASCAR. Yes, NASCAR, that bastion of American conservatism. NASCAR, where a black and liberal president dare not step. Where he can count on the fingers of one hand his (secret) votes from the grandstands.

Wait! I’m not finished. Here it comes: the NRA. All the way, NRA. Of course, the NRA is not a team sport getting its revenues from ticket sales and a TV audience. Still, I relish the first big NRA kiss. What a story that will make. Can you imagine, “You can have my AK-47 when you pry it from my cold faggoty fingers.”

Ah, it’s a lovely sight to see, this dark, ugly side of American conservatism. But then I’ve seen this dark side before. I’ve seen it when black players could not play national league baseball. It was gladdening to watch, over the decades, American conservatism got over this particular bugaboo. And may we all say, “Thank God.” Where would baseball be today without black players, much less the AFL. The NBA with only white players? People would be watching Bowling for Dollars.

Play it, Sam:

You must remember this 
A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. 
The fundamental things apply 
As time goes by.

And when two lovers woo 
They still say, “I love you.” 
On that you can rely 
No matter what the future brings 
As time goes by.

UPDATE

My egg timer didn’t get a chance to run out. Even before I finished this Joe for America beat me to the punch. Of course I knew he would. It’s not the darkest that could have been posted by JFA, but it does fulfill my expectations:

Let’s just cut to the chase. We’ve all read this script before.

If you do anything less than fall to your knees weeping tears of jubilation that a man who is sexually attracted to men was picked to play a game for a living — you’re a homophobe.

It doesn’t really matter why you aren’t joining in the celebration, or why you aren’t using words like ‘historic’ and ‘revolutionary’ to describe a scenario where a homosexual fellow plays a sport with some other fellows, and is paid handsomely and applauded loudly for doing so.

It doesn’t matter what reasoning you provide, or what sort of logic you employ, when attempting to explain why Michael Sam’s likeness shouldn’t necessarily be etched into Mount Rushmore just because he took it upon himself to alert the media of his sexual habits a few months before being selected in the 7th round of the NFL Draft.

It doesn’t matter what you say when trying to articulate why the President of the United States of America probably doesn’t need to release an official White House statement to congratulate someone for being gay and athletic.