Bad Joke of the Week

One of a continuing series

So I was returning to my car after a few rounds with some friends, when I saw this man. He was sitting on the curb, his feet out in the street. And he was crying.

This looked so pitiful, I went over to investigate. I asked, “What’s the problem, old fellow?”

“My wife is gone,” he sobbed.

This was distressful news. So I asked, “Did she die?”

“No, he sobbed.”

“Did she leave you?”

“No.”

I was puzzled. “Then what happened to your wife?”

He stopped sobbing long enough to look up. “I traded her for a bottle of whiskey.”

That was shocking. “So, you traded her for a bottle of whiskey?”

“Yes.”

“And now you want her back.”

“Yes.”

“Because you realize you love her, and you miss her.”

“No.”

“No? Then why do you want her back.”

“Because I’m thirsty again.”

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Bad Joke of the Week

One of a continuing series

A man walks into bar and takes a seat. Then he pulls a tiny piano out of his pocket and places it on the bar. Next he pulls out a tiny man, who sits himself at the piano and begins to play.

The bartender is astounded. “Where did you get that?” he asks.

The man pulls an old whiskey bottle out of his pocket and places it on the bar. “I found this magic bottle,” he says. “It will grant you any wish you ask for.”

“No!” exclaims the bartender. “Can’t be.”

“Try it,” the man responds.

So the bartender picks up the bottle and thinks for a moment. Suddenly the bar is filled with ducks. There are ducks on all the tables and hopping on the bar. There must be a million ducks.

“What’s all this?” the bartender screams. “I didn’t wish for a million ducks.”

The man sits silently. “You think I wished for a 10-inch pianist?”

Bad Joke of the Week

One of a continuing series

A man and wife stand in front of a judge. They are getting a divorce, and they each want custody of the child.

The wife argues, “I am the mother. The child belongs to me.”

The judge looks at the man and raises his eyebrows.

The man thinks for a while and then says, “I put a buck fifty in the soda machine. Do you think the soda machine gets the can of soda?”

Bad Joke of the Week

One of a continuing series

Two hunters are preparing for an outing, and they both take a course on hunting safety. There is an examination at the end, and both do well.

Comes the second day of their hunting expedition, and they figure they are hopeless lost in the woods. They think back to the safety course they took.

“It says we should shoot three times into the air and wait for somebody to come find us. They do that, and they wait.

They figure they need to repeat the process, and they do. Then they wait.

By now it’s dark, and they are faced with the prospect of spending the night lost in the woods.

“What do you think we should do?” one asks.

The other responds, “Let’s give it one more try before we give up.”

The other hunter has some bad news. “But we only have two arrows left.”

Friday Funny

Number 77 of a series

Same as last week.┬áPlease note that Loyce Fredrikson’s avatar is an elephant.

Is there such a thing as “dumb shaming?” Is it a horrible thing to do? Should people be publicly humiliated for being terminally stupid? Is this funny or just plain nasty. Who cares? Loyce Fredrikson may be stupid beyond what the law allows, but inadvertently she is funny.

Bad Joke of the Week

One of a continuing series

A vampire bat returned to the bat colony after a night of feasting. The other bats noticed his face was covered in blood. He had obviously been fortunate in finding an abundant source. They beseeched him to disclose his find. He refused and hung silently from his perch.

The other bats harangued him ceaselessly until he finally relented. “Follow me,” he told them, and he flew off. He finally came to rest in a peach orchard overlooking a farm house.

“You see that house over there?” he asked.

They all said they did.

“You see that large oak in front of the house?”

The all agreed. They saw it.

“Well, I didn’t,” he told them.