Mother of Jesus, please come back.
A rich widow in Sydney, Australia, decided to remarry. Recalling how poor her previous choice had been, she determined to be more picky the next time around. She summoned her solicitor.
“James,” she told him, “I have decided to remarry. But I want my next husband to be young and strong. And a virgin. Please assure all candidates they will be well recompensed, as I will make them my sole heir. Go forthwith, sir.”
The solicitor came back the following week and announced proudly he had some prime candidates. “They are young and strong, Miss, and all have had few dates. I am sure they will be satisfactory.”
The widow was nonplussed. “James,” she admonished, “They must be virgins. Is that clear? Now be off.”
This time the solicitor was gone for a month, and when he returned he announced proudly, “Miss, I have found exactly what you are looking for.”
“Is he a virgin?”
“Most assuredly, Miss.”
“Then show him in.”
The young man came in to meet his new bride, and she was quite impressed. During close cross examination he revealed he had lived all his life in Australia’s wild outback, and had never seen a woman until the solicitor brought him to Sydney. The wedding was quickly dispatched with, and the widow prepared for her wedding night.
She led Jackson, her new husband, to the bedroom, and ordered him to prepare for the treat of her life. Then she repaired to her dressing room to prep for the consummation.
When she returned to the bedroom she immediately noticed things had changed. All the furniture had been moved up against the walls. She was a bit surprised and inquired as to the preparations.
Jackson explained, “Miss, I don’t know anything about women, but with kangaroos you need lots of room.”