Bad Joke of the Week

One of a series

There was this guy Dave who worked in the office, and he had a great set of teeth. He was proud of them. He smiled a lot, showing off that mouth full of gems. And he had this notion.

“I’m going to take good care of my teeth, because I’m never going to have dentures. No matter how you make them, there’s always one problem.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s the smell. There will always be a smell. I’m never going to have dentures.

As you guessed, something happened. Dave cracked up his cute sports car and broke a tooth. Right in front. The dentist couldn’t save the tooth. It had to come out. But he was going to make an implant for Dave.

In the meantime Dave came to work, and he wasn’t smiling. He walked around with his lips drawn tightly over his teeth, mostly just grunting when he had to say something.

Then the big day came. Dave went in and got the implant, and he came into the office. And he was smiling again. He flashed his shiny white teeth,

“Looks really great, Dave,” I told him.

And somebody in the back said, “And it sure does stink.”

The National Divide

Number 12 of a possibly infinite series

Something like 65 years ago I watch the McCarthy hearings on TV. Yes, and it was black and white. And it was something to see. Which brings me to ask, have you ever wondered what it would have been like if Joseph McCarthy had been elected president?

We don’t have to wonder.

Yes, some accountability. Catch it all:

“Many, many people were badly hurt by this scam,” Trump said of the Mueller probe. “But more importantly, our country was hurt. Our country was hurt. And they are on artificial respirators right now. They are getting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.”

“Little pencil-neck Adam Schiff. He’s got the smallest, thinnest neck I’ve ever seen,” the president said. “He is not a long-ball hitter, but I saw him today, ‘Well we don’t really know, there still could have been some Russia collusion.'”

“Sick, sick,” Trump called him. “These are sick people and there has to be accountability because it is all lies and they know it’s lies.”

Time to choose up sides, people.

The National Divide

Number 11 of a possibly infinite series

The hard line that divides the nation is anchored in matters of personal integrity. This became apparent once more this week in a gruesome manner:

House Intelligence Chairman Adam Schiff came face to face with calls for his resignation during an explosive House hearing on Thursday.

This comes as Schiff continues his assertions of collusion after the Mueller report found that the evidence “did not find that the Trump campaign or anyone associated with it conspired or coordinated with Russia in its efforts to influence the 2016 U.S. presidential election,” according to Attorney General William Barr’s summary.

Texas Republican Congressman Mike Conway blasted Schiff saying, “Your willingness to promote a demonstratively false narrative is alarming. The findings of the special counsel conclusively refute your past and present assertions that have exposed you as having abused your position to knowingly promote false information…As such we have no faith in your ability to discharge your duties in a manner consistent with your Constitutional responsibility and urge your immediate resignation as chairman of the committee.”

The Republican members of the committee, during the time it was controlled by that party, steadfastly resisted efforts to probe the dealings of a patently dishonest administration. Now that Congress is beginning to work in earnest to peel back the coverings that have for the past two years protected the Trump administration from a full accounting, the response of Republican members is unseemly to the core. They want the discovery to stop, and they will work any means to achieve that goal. We see them echoing the sentiments of their failed leader:

So funny to see little Adam Schitt (D-CA) talking about the fact that Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker was not approved by the Senate, but not mentioning the fact that Bob Mueller (who is highly conflicted) was not approved by the Senate!

The congressman from California responded in a way that should alarm right-thinking citizens:

The typically soft-spoken Schiff responded angrily, accusing Republicans of ignoring voluminous evidence of the Trump campaign’s efforts to accept Russia’s help in the election. He noted that Donald Trump Jr. met secretly with a Russian lawyer who he hoped would provide dirt on Hillary Clinton and told an associate he would “love” the Russian government’s help.

He also noted that Trump helped dictate a false story about his son’s meeting, saying it was about adoption, and during the campaign, openly asked Russia to obtain Clinton’s emails — a comment Trump later construed as a joke.

Schiff said that Trump’s former campaign chairman Paul Manafort allegedly provided polling data to a Russian intelligence-linked associate and that his former national security adviser Michael Flynn lied to the FBI about his post-campaign conversations with Russia’s ambassador.

“You might think that’s OK. I don’t,” bellowed Schiff. “I think it’s unethical. I think it’s unpatriotic. I think it’s corrupt and evidence of collusion.”

“I have always said that the question of whether this amounts to conspiracy is another matter,” he continued, adding, “But I do not think that conduct, criminal or not, is OK. And the day we do think that’s OK is the day we will look back and say that is the day America lost its way.”

I am thinking that America has not lost its way, but a political party that had, until now, a grand history has. Forgive me if I do not shed a tear.

People Unclear

This is number 75 of a series

I’m on the mailing list, so a get a bunch of these. I’ve been playing them out one at a time, but I’m falling behind. For that reason I will sack up a load and put them out at once. Here are some:

John,

$25 MILLION.

That’s how much of YOUR money Democrats WASTED on this two-year witch hunt that concluded what we already knew – NO COLLUSION!

$25 million! Scandalous! That’s almost the cost of eight weekends the president spends at his his resort in Florida. How are we ever going to get that money back? Maybe it would make us feel better if we got some convictions for our $25 million.

Here’s another:

John,

[SORRY THIS DOCUMENT IS BLANK]

After more than 2 years of an endless Witch Hunt, there is still NO EVIDENCE OF COLLUSION.

This Witch Hunt has been orchestrated by loser Democrats and their friends in the Fake News Media.

They claim they plan to release the report “soon” but they’ve been saying that for OVER 2 YEARS.

More than half of the country thinks this is a complete Witch Hunt and needs to end. Now we need to know what you think, John.

At this critical moment, we’re asking our strongest supporters:

Do you think it’s time for this WITCH HUNT to conclude once and for all?

First, I have no explanation for the note about this document being blank. I’m guessing something linked got lost. That said, do I think it’s time for this WITCH HUNT to conclude? No way. There are likely more witches out there, and, besides, this is a lot of fun.

Again:

John,

The Democratic Party is in SHAMBLES.

Obstructionists like Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters just spent two years on a WITCH HUNT that found NO COLLUSION.

And their long list of 2020 Presidential candidates is full of crazy socialists.

We’ve already seen them advocate for open borders, 90% tax rates, the $93 trillion Green New Disaster, government-run health care, and drastically cutting our military funding. INSANE!

Insane! Absolutely insane.

One more, and I will quit for today:

WITCH HUNT INVESTIGATION CONCLUDED: NO COLLUSION OR OBSTRUCTION

John,

After more than 2 YEARS, and $25 MILLION taxpayer dollars spent, the Mueller Report proves what I have been saying since Day One: NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION — COMPLETE EXONERATION.

Democrats worked with the Fake News Media for 2 years orchestrating this Nasty Witch Hunt to use our government as a weapon to take away the votes of 63 MILLION Americans.

After they lied to the American people, Nancy Pelosi, Democratic leadership, and all of the 2020 Democratic candidates raised MILLIONS of dollars off of their phony Witch Hunt!

Democrats and the Fake News media have proven that there is no line they won’t cross, so we need to fight back BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER BEFORE.

Again, the $25 million. And what do we have to show for it?

So many witches. So many weekends in Florida.

Political Humor

Number 2  Of An Infinite Series

I give up. I started posting humorous pieces on Fridays with the title “Friday Funny,” and along these lines I started collecting bits of humor to pass along. After doing this for more times than I can count I had to admit that the stuff was piling up faster than I could dish it out. My solution is to post something every day, but not in the hope that I will run out of humorous stuff. Trust me, with the help of President Donald J. Trump, I’m never going to pump this well dry. Here’s the first:

Enjoy. And keep reading.

Your Friend The Handgun

Number 157

If there is one thing Charles Darwin taught us it’s that survival goes to the fittest, and that includes those who are prepared to keep themselves safe and to reproduce. Yeah, right:

Gun slips from waistband, shoots man in genitals

By: WFLA/WISH

Posted: Mar 01, 2019 07:57 AM EST

Updated: Mar 01, 2019 05:27 PM EST

MARION, Ind. (WISH) –  A man in Indiana accidentally shot himself in the genitals early Thursday morning when a gun slipped from his waistband, police said.

While in the emergency room of Marion General Hospital, Mark Anthony Jones, 46, told police he was walking about 6:44 a.m. on a riverside trail when the gun began to slip from his waistband. He reached to adjust the firearm and it discharged.

“The bullet entered just above his penis and exited his scrotum,” said a Marion Police Department spokesperson.

Ouch! That has got to hurt. But at least he’s going to have a story to tell his grandchildren.

This is your president speaking.

Number 204 in a series

And now a few words from the President of the United States:

The Mainstream Media is under fire and being scorned all over the World as being corrupt and FAKE. For two years they pushed the Russian Collusion Delusion when they always knew there was No Collusion. They truly are the Enemy of the People and the Real Opposition Party!

Imagine the mainstream news outlets taking cheap shots at the President of the United States! I mean, what has he done to deserve such critical review?

Of course, I don’t take this stuff seriously. That’s because I already speak Russian.

They are selling fast, people. Get yours while it’s still available.

Abusing Science

Number 17 of a series

Continuing from last week (see the above link), here is Dan Kuttner’s point number 2:

Since Mercury, Venus and Mars’ temperatures have been rising, how does the CO2 count on Earth affect those planets?

My initial response is, “Do I really have to answer this question?” When I engaged Dan Kuttner a few days ago about his Facebook posting I asked him if these were serious questions. He assured me he considers them to be serious, and I agreed to take him at his word. So here goes.

Duh!

There is no relation between carbon dioxide levels in Earth’s atmosphere and the temperatures on Mercury, Venus, and Mars. May I be allowed to stop right now?

Next week’s post will address Dan’s point number 3. See the list.

Quiz Question

Number 196 of a series

The box is a square with sides = 1. The circular arcs are tangent to the sides of the square. What is the area of the colored area?

Post your answer in the comments section below.

Update and solution:

Here is another rendition of the above. What is the area of the blue regions?

If one of the inscribed circles were complete, the square would cut out ¼ of the circle. The area of the the circle covered by the square is ¼ of the circle: π/4. The area of one blue region is 1 – π/4. The combined blue area is 2 – π/2. The area of the orange section is 1 – 2 + π/2 or π/2 – 1.

Bad Joke of the Week

One of a series

Knave Ewen Canterwall was pulling the afternoon shift at the castle gate when he saw three horsemen ride up.

“Identify yourselves, sires,” he cried out to them.

One responded, “It is I, Lord Chesterfield, and with me the Earl of Kent and the Duke of Marlboro.”

“What do you want,” Canterwall demanded.

“We’d like a light,” the lord responded.

The National Divide

Number 10 of a possibly infinite series

This is a tale of two political systems, illustrating vividly the hard line that separates divergent segments of this nation. People need to decide which side of the line they want to come down on. The choices are clear.

I will spell it out. At the top Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is questioning former Donal Trump lawyer Michael Cohen:

Did the president ever provide inflated assets to an insurance company?

In the second we see Representative Jim Jordan threatening the same witness:

Tread very f…ing lightly, because what I’m going to do to you is going to be very f…ing disgusting.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Your Friend The Handgun

Number 156

Having a handgun to ensure the safety of your family seems like a pretty good idea. Let’s check that out with Meleanie Hain:

Meleanie Hain shooting was witnessed on Web cam, police say

Meleanie Hain, the pistol-carrying Lebanon mom who received national attention
for taking a loaded gun to her daughter’s soccer game, was talking to a friend via a Web camera when her husband, Scott, shot her to death before killing himself, Lebanon police said today.

All right. That did not work out as expected. Maybe next time. Only, for Meleanie there will not be a next time.

Abusing Science

Number 16 of a series

Last week I posted Dan Kuttner’s 11 points titled “Some questions on the science behind Global Warming.” The idea being these 11 points seriously bring into question the validity of the science behind anthropogenic global warming (AGW). Dan is of a conservative bent, and a theme running through American conservative politics is that AGW is hoax science. I will not rehash any motivations conservatives may have for leaning in that direction; that is for another day. I will address Dan’s point number 1:

How does CO2, which is 1.4x heavier than air at sea level, get above the troposphere to cause a greenhouse effect?

I am one of those who contend there is no such thing as a stupid question. There are exceptions. This question is worded in the worst possible way. First off, whoever composed it confuses “heavier” and “denser.” Carbon dioxide does, itself, not have a weight, but it is denser than air. If air has a density of 1.00 on some scale, then carbon dioxide has a density of 1.53 (my first-order calculation). So even if point 1 meant to say “denser” it would have still been wrong. This is an example of the logical fallacy called “begging the question.” A question is posed with a premise pre-loaded.

And while I am being pedantic, 1.4 times heavier is not the same as 1.4 times as heavy as. 1.4 times heavier is 2.4 times as heavy as. It’s the English language, folks.

Now for the second part. Granted that carbon dioxide is denser than air, how does it get above the troposphere? Dan is a qualified airplane pilot, and one the things taught in pilot training is atmospheric science. From that he should have learned that gases in the troposphere are fairly well-mixed by atmospheric turbulence. The concentration remains abut 400 parts per billion by volume throughout. In truth, I found no figures for carbon dioxide in the stratosphere, but there is no reason to believe the gas does not propagate to that region.

But here is the sticker. Dan’s question is again loaded. The premise is that carbon dioxide needs to get into the stratosphere to have an effect on global warming. The fact is that the vast bulk of the atmosphere is in the troposphere, and also it matters little at what altitude carbon dioxide is encountered. It absorbs infra red radiation at any altitude, and it is particularly effective in the lower regions, close to the ground. Energy absorption by carbon dioxide warms the atmosphere close to the ground, keeping the surface warm and causing the surface to absorb the trapped energy. The oceans particularly become warmer by this process.

And that should answer Dan’s spurious question regarding carbon dioxide in the troposphere and the stratosphere. The next post in this series will address Dan’s point number 2. Keep reading.

This is your president speaking.

Number 203 in a series

And now a few words from the President of the United States:

The Fake News Media is working overtime to blame me for the horrible attack in New Zealand. They will have to work very hard to prove that one. So Ridiculous!

The full context of the above meme is:

“If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously, OK? Just knock the hell … I promise you I will pay for the legal fees. I promise, I promise,” he said on Feb. 1, 2016.

It’s good to know we have a steady hand at the helm of government in these turbulent times.

Quiz Question

Number 195 of a series

The image shows two circles with inscribed rectangles. The top rectangle is a square. The bottom rectangle is two squares. Are the two rectangle equal area? Describe a proof and post your answer in the comments section below.

Update and solution:

Notice what happens when you cut the big square in half and move half of it to a new position, as I have done imperfectly here.

Bad Joke of the Week

One of a series

My friend Mike was telling me about a bar that had opened on 7th Street. “Happy hour Tuesday, nothing can beat it. Half price on well drinks. Draft refill is free.”

“Sounds like the place to go,” I told him.

“And the spread. You should see the spread. Fried cheese sticks and shrimp. Nothing to beat it. What’s more is for $2 you can go in the back and get laid.”

I was impressed. “But you haven’t been there, yourself.”

“No, but my sister has.”