Bad Movie of the Week

One of a series

I sometimes mention I watch these movies so you won’t have to. Actually, some of these movies you wouldn’t watch if they pointed a gun to your head. This is one. It’s Alien Outlaw, otherwise titled RiffTrax: Alien Outlaw, from 1985 and currently streaming on Amazon Prime Video. Wikipedia doesn’t have an entry, so I’m getting details (there are few) from IMDb. I’m not going to list everybody you see in these screen shots. I’ fairly sure you won’t recognize them.

We have to get this started anyhow, so we see Wes, who works for sharpshooter Jesse Jamison (Kari Anderson). He’s leaving his girlfriend’s elegant home in the backwoods, preparing Jesse’s equipment for her next show. Actually, I’m not showing you Wes. I will do that in the next screen shot. Wes’s girlfriend is worth a look right now. He asks her to go around back and make sure the trailer door is latched. We are led to suspect this is merely a director’s device to give us the opportunity to view her very excellent rear end.

This print features a running voice-over, courtesy of RiffTrax, a company that does these commentaries. This movie would not be all that much worth watching without the assistance of RiffTrax.

Wes starts off on his drive, only to encounter a flash in the woods. Everybody is shouting at the screen (I presume). “No, Wes. Don’t stop. You are going to die!”

He does.

Cut to the following morning. Sweet Jesse is giving a shooting exhibition to a gunslinger dressed in black cowboy attire. He is impressed. She is absolutely deadly with that six gun. The thigh-length boots and the buckskin minidress don’t hurt, either.

Jesse is not pleased with the bookings she is getting for her show. She visits another talent agency and signs on. Then she phones her current agent to give him the bad news. He’s in bed in a cheap motel after a hard night checking out some new talent. Here is the obligatory bare breast scene. Every one of these movies is required to have one.

Cut to two rednecks out for a day of fishing and shooting off firearms. One of them is absolutely gun happy, until he meets one of the aliens. End of one of the rednecks.

Cutting out a lot of senseless drama, the word gets out about the three aliens from outer space on the loose in redneck country. Jesse figures it’s time to take action. She shucks off her outer skirt and straps on her trusty six gun. Somebody is going to die.

She arrives at the farmhouse where one one of the aliens is pursuing an enormously fat person named Luger. Jesse finishes off the alien with a deadly shot to part of the alien’s gear, which explodes impressively, sending alien parts flying to places unknown. Jesse tracks down and kills another alien. Just one left.

Meanwhile the surviving fisher has teamed with his uncle to dynamite the surviving alien. But the alien turns the tables and takes the fisher hostage. It’s a standoff. Jesse versus the alien. End of movie.

And that’s all there is to it. The uncle is played by movie legend Lash LaRue. It’s a name I knew well in my childhood, watching western serials Saturdays at the theater on the town square. Lash LaRue was a character in the films, and he was famous for using his bull whip to defeat the bad guys. Hence the name. I always wondered at that name, “Whip the Street.” But I figured if your name is going to start with “Lash,” then what has to come next? Has to start with L, and “LaRue” sounds exotic. It follows from there.

Believe me, Jesse Jamison prancing around in that skimpy mini-dress is the best thing this movie has going for it. Take second place, Mars Needs Women. This is number one.

A trailer is on-line on YouTube:


One thought on “Bad Movie of the Week

  1. Pingback: Bad Movie of the Week | Skeptical Analysis

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