Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. And the winners are:
- Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
- Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
- Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
- Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.), gross olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulance (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
- Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon (n.), a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): the belief that when you die your soul flies up on the roof and gets stuck there.