Readers, cut me some slack. I have given myself the task of tracking a new administration in town, and it is beginning to appear I have taken on more than I can handle. To handle the flood of joy now emanating from the nation’s capitol I have had to set up three separate funnels to handle the flow:
- Schlemiel-in-Chief (this one)
- The Golden Shower
In the worst nightmare come true, there is strong evidence I have shorted the forecast. I may have to stoke any and all of these outlets multiple times a day to keep up. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get this done and hold down my day job.
Wait! It turns out I don’t actually have a day job. I retired four years ago. It’s about time I got on with it. Let the games continue.
Where to start? How about with the Schlemiel-in-Chief’s god-awful claim that Hillary Clinton scored the popular vote in November by nearly 3 million due to hordes of people voting illegally:
WASHINGTON — President Trump used his first official meeting with congressional leaders on Monday to falsely claim that millions of unauthorized immigrants had robbed him of a popular vote majority, a return to his obsession with the election’s results even as he seeks support for his legislative agenda.
Hot shit! Millions of people voting illegally. Millions of people voting who are not eligible to vote. Millions of people voting illegally for Hillary Clinton! What a massive assault on our democratic process. This calls for action.
Right now, even while you are reading these lines—right now thousands of dedicated federal cops, FBI and more, are fanning out across this great land. They are poring over voting records. They are knocking on doors in the middle of the night. They are dragging Mexicans and Muslims out of bed and booking them into the federal slam. Courts are clearing their dockets to handle the tidal wave of swarthy-faced miscreants facing United States justice.
If only it were true. Michael D. Shear and Emmarie Heutteman, writing for The New York Times, add some clarification:
Voting officials across the country have said there is virtually no evidence of people voting illegally, and certainly not millions of them. White House officials did not respond to requests for a comment on Mr. Trump’s discussion of the issue.
Oh, Jesus! Not only did our SiC miss the mark on the illegal vote count, but he paid full price. He inserted the blade full shank into the truth. The lie appears to have since been polished up, plated with gold, and enshrined in the national record. Fifty years from now, 100 years from now, this lie will be printed in the history books, studied by school children, their eyes popping. And history, next century and for all remaining human civilization, will call this lie what it is—either a calculated and criminal act by a corrupt government official or else the delusional rant of a visibly sick mind. Given a choice, I will cast my preference for the crook. The alternative makes our collective blood run cold.
This story is not done. Keep reading. The fun has started. When will it end? Take it from the Beach Boys:
And we’ll have fun fun fun
Till daddy takes the T-bird away.