Never saw this one before, nor heard of it. I checked my queue of bad movie posts and quickly realized the backlog was running low. I needed to review more bad movies. I found this one on Amazon Prime Video, where I obtained the screen shots. I figured from the title this was going to be bad. It’s bad. It’s Invasion of the Star Creatures from 1962 and distributed by American International Pictures. Never heard of them. I’m getting details from IMDB and Wikipedia.
It stars Robert Ball as Private Philbrick and Frankie Ray as Private Penn. They are two rising stars in the modern United States Army. No, they’re not. They’re a couple of losers who likely joined up because they had few other choices in life. Unfortunately for the United States, these two are stationed at a critical missile base.
The movie opens with the two clowns having difficulty with water hose technology.
Their commanding officer, Colonel Rank (Mark Ferris), calls them into his office and assigns them to a contingent to investigate a cave revealed by a recent atomic bomb explosion. This cave entrance appears to be the most elaborate set in the entire production. The producers either had to borrow such a geological feature or else had to carve one out of a mountain side.
Inside, Penn and Philbrick get separated from the others and are captured by giant vegetable creatures. Two other giant creatures are in charge of the underground operation. They are Doctor Puna (Dolores Reed) and Professor Tanga (Gloria Victor), from the planet Kalar. They have come to scout out the Earth for a future invasion.
Desperate to save the planet, the two hit upon the idea of romancing the giant creatures. Here Philbrick prepares to smooch Professor Tanga. It works. She comes under his spell.
But the two are not out of the woods yet. Escaping the cave, they have to battle the vegetable people.
Successfully escaping the clutches of the vegetable people and the horny space women, Penn and Philbrick make it back to base headquarters and enlist Colonel Rank’s assistance. This is obtained when it’s revealed that both Philbrick and Rank are members the secret Space Commander society.
Out on the trail, headed toward the cave, they encounter some Indians on horseback. They consider enlisting the Indians’ aid, especially when it’s revealed the Indians are also Space Commander members. The operation gets side tracked when everybody settles down to smoke a peace pipe and also to take a few swigs from a jug.
In the end there’s nobody left to save the Earth but Penn and Philbrick, which they do by launching the alien rocket prematurely, stranding the space goddesses on Earth. The two privates get promoted to sergeant, and the two space beauties head off to a life of bliss married to the earthmen.
Yes, this is bad. Remember, I watch these so you don’t have to.
This does some delightful moments. When Penn and Philbrick rescue the remainder of their contingent from the cave, they come marching out in formation, whistling the Colonel Bogey March, which lyrics were not suitable for general audiences 50 years ago.