Quick, somebody send me an e-mail or phone me. Please tell me this is a joke. The New Yorker has printed remarks supposedly from conservative Congresswoman Michele Bachmann. In the story she observed first hand the collapsing of the West Antarctic Ice Sheet. This is what Andy Borowitz reported:
Another member of the delegation, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota), decried what she called the “alarmism” surrounding reports of the collapsing Ice Sheet.
“The Ice Sheet melt is only a problem if you live in Antarctica, which, honestly, is a pretty dumb place to live,” she said. “Polar bears live in Antarctica because they have no choice, but we’re not polar bears.”
Wait for a bit of background:
Collapse Of Antarctic Ice Sheet Would Likely Put Washington, D.C. Largely Underwater
Date:February 6, 2009Source:University of TorontoSummary:
But that was so five years ago. What’s the latest?
On 12 May 2014, It was announced that two teams of scientists said the long-feared collapse of the Ice Sheet had begun, kicking off what they say will be a centuries-long, “unstoppable” process that could raise sea levels by 1.2 to 3.6 metres. They estimate that rapid drawdown of Thwaites Glacier will begin in 200 – 1000 years. (Scientific source articles: Rignot et al 2014 and Joughin et al 2014.)
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That’s alarming. Unless you live in Minnesota, where Bachmann presumably will make her home after retiring from Congress in January.
Providing, mind you I say only providing, that Bachmann actually did make such a statement, then we could be getting overly alarmed. I mean, there is nothing we can do about it, so we should just do nothing. Besides, we have many decades to relocate the nation’s capital to higher ground. And Minnesota will still be high and dry, and cold enough for snow in the winter.
All right, a bit of skeptical analysis has convinced me that columnist Andy Borowitz is having some fun at Bachmann’s expense. Do you know what tipped me off? Yes, it’s the polar bears. Even Bachmann (being in Minnesota), knows that Polar bears are in the Arctic. There are no polar bears in the Antarctic. At least I think she knows:
Where do we say that a cell became a blade of grass, which became a starfish, which became a cat, which became a donkey, which became a human being? There’s a real lack of evidence from change from actual species to a different type of species.
John Quincy Adams most certainly was a part of the Revolutionary War era. He was a young boy, but he was actively involved.
And some more:
“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.” –Rep. Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God (Aug. 2011)
“Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, getting her John Waynes mixed up during an interview after launching her presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, where she grew up. The beloved movie star John Wayne was born in Winterset, Iowa, three hours away. The John Wayne that Waterloo was home to is John Wayne Gacy, a notorious serial killer. (June 2011)
“Our movement at its core is an intellectual movement.” –Rep. Michele Bachmann on the Tea Party movement, CPAC conference, March 2014
“Why should I go and do something like that? But the Lord says, ‘Be submissive wives; you are to be submissive to your husbands.” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, recalling in a 2006 speech at a Megachurch in Minneapolis that pursuing tax law wasn’t her choice, but she did so at the urging of her husband because she was certain God was speaking through him
“I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, on the 1976 Swine Flu outbreak that happened when Gerald Ford, a Republican, was president, April 28, 2009
“Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” -Rep. Michelle Bachmann, April, 2009
“I will tell you that I had a mother last night come up to me here in Tampa, Florida, after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection, and she suffered from mental retardation thereafter.” –Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), on the HPV vaccine, Fox News interview, Sept. 12, 2011
“But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. … I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly — men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, botching American history while speaking at an Iowan’s for Tax Relief event in January 2011. The Founding Fathers did not work to end slavery, and John Quincy Adams was not one of the Founding Fathers.
“Before we get started, let’s all say ‘Happy Birthday’ to Elvis Presley today.” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, while campaigning for president in South Carolina on what was actually the anniversary of Elvis’s death, Aug. 16, 2011 (Elvis was born on January 8)
Do I think Bachmann really said that about polar bears? I’m going to have to think about it.