Big Oil

I needed a catchy title for this post, and Big Oil came to mind. The problem is, this post is not about Big Oil—it’s about something else. But I needed a catchy title. That’s the way journalism works.

Pumping oil along side Interstate 20 in West Texas

Anyhow, the United Nations announced the results of some findings. Yesterday that left wing liberal rag The Wall Street Journal carried the following headline:

U.N. Affirms Human Role in Global Warming
Major Report Reasserts Link Between Rising Temperatures, Fossil Fuels; Warns of a Tipping Point With Severe Effects

See what I mean. Everybody is getting into the act. Here’s what the UN had to say:

UN urges global response to scientific evidence that climate change is human-induced

27 September 2013 – United Nations officials today called for a global response to combat climate change, following new findings by a scientific panel stating it is “extremely likely” that humans have been the dominant cause of unprecedented global warming since 1950.

“The heat is on. Now we must act,” Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said in a video message to the launch of the report of the UN-backed Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).

“This new report will be essential for Governments as they work to finalize an ambitious, legal agreement on climate change in 2015,” Mr. Ban said. “The goal is to generate the political commitment to keep global temperature rise below the agreed 2-degree Celsius threshold.”

The IPCC report, released today in Stockholm, Sweden, calls global warming “unequivocal,” and confirms that there is a 95 per cent probability that most of the warming since 1950 has been caused by human influence.

That’s the bad news. The Earth’s surface (including oceans and atmosphere) is warming up, and there is going to be trouble.

Of course, we liberals all know the cause behind the problem. I shouldn’t have to spell it out, but I will. It’s Big Oil. And Big Coal. Yes, those are the villains. It’s those greedy capitalist, multi-national corporations who, with no regard to the future, are extracting carbon from the Earth, where it’s been safely sequestered for millions of years. They’re the cause of the trouble, and they need to be punished. They need to be taken to court. And sued. CEOs need to go to jail. Right!

Oops. I just noticed something. While investigating this heinous crime I did what I sometimes do. I followed the money. I figured somebody might be paying these criminal enterprises to commit these crimes, and I determined to follow the money trail back to the source and make that person accountable. I did just that, and it did not take very long. Here’s what I found:

My payoff to Big Oil

Shit, man! I’m the one paying Big Oil to do this. I’m the money bags behind the whole operation. They’re going to be coming after me! I’m the one who’s going to jail. And I’m still young yet.

All right, enough of this charade. The whole point—actually two points—is:

  1. Big Oil is not to blame for global warming.
  2. I guarantee you that if we quit paying them, they will stop drilling.

I’m going to have more fun with this topic in future posts, because that’s not all of the story. Keep coming back and keep reading

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