The Rant, The Rant

From Wikipedia

This was kind of cool. I saw it on the Internet news a few weeks back.

(CNN) — An eastern Pennsylvania police chief who went on profanity-laced video rants against those who disagreed with him on gun laws has been suspended for 30 days without pay.

On first glance it might appear Mark Kessler is some kind of liberal civil libertarian. He’s very strong on upholding the First and Second Amendments of the United States Constitution. On a second look, maybe not so liberal. Here’s what he has to say:

Well, I guess I upset a few people the other day when I made a video, I used some profanity, and some people didn’t like that. Well I’m here to say I’m sorry. OK, I didn’t mean to upset anybody, or insult anybody or hurt anyone’s feelings. So please accept this as my sincere apology.

[Walks out of camera view. Then walks into view carrying an automatic rifle and continues.]

Yeah, I don’t think so. This boy don’t roll that way. For all you people out there who cried and cried about, oh, I used profanity—fuck you! Here’s what I gotta say: If you didn’t get enough the first time around, go fuck yourself and get some more.

[Fires a long burst from the automatic rifle.]

You get that? You get that one? Huh? You bunch of cock suckers.

[Walks out of view again, then later returns with a different weapon.]

Now just in case.. you missed that… I’ve another message for ya. Go fuck yourself again.

[Fires a burst from the weapon]

How ’bout that?

[Walks out of view and returns with a different weapon.]

Oh, yeah! It’s gettin’ better isn’t it. I’m really hurtin’ some feelings today. All you fucking libtards out there, all you fucking crybabies, grow a pair of balls and man the fuck up. All right? You’re a fuckin’ bunch of pussies. Oh, Chief Kessler said the F-word. I’m going to say it again. Fuck you!

[Fires a burst from the weapon and the video ends.]

OK, that will do for today’s anger management class.

See what I mean? With his forceful expression of support for the Constitution, Chief Kessler has got to be some kind of bleeding heart liberal. Maybe not so fast there. What does libtard mean? My spell checker went absolutely crazy with that. Wait, I get it. It’s a contraction of the words liberal and retard. Oh, that is so cute. Way to go Chief Kessler.

Of course, one way to strengthen the First and Second Amendments is to stress them to the limit. Move over, Miley Cyrus. On the First Amendment Chief Kessler is king of pushing the envelop. And nobody compares when it comes to demonstrating the strength of the Second Amendment. Call me a bleeding heart liberal if you want, but I always say that if you want to check the status of the Bill of Rights the surest way is to abuse it.

Some people may be alarmed at Chief Kessler’s outward show of aggression and hostility, but I’m here to defend all that. When you’re the only cop in a rough and tumble frontier place like Gilberton, you need a tough guy to take on the riffraff.

Wait! I just checked a map. Gilberton’s not lawless town in eastern Nigeria. It’s right here in the U.S.A., in eastern, not western, Pennsylvania. Not so much No Name City, Gilberton is more like Mayberry.

As of the census of 2000, there were 867 people, 385 households, and 219 families residing in the borough. The population density was 608.3 people per square mile (234.1/km²). There were 474 housing units at an average density of 332.6 per square mile (128.0/km²). The racial makeup of the borough was 97.92% White, 0.35% Native American, 1.61% Asian, and 0.12% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 0.35% of the population.

There were 385 households out of which 23.6% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 42.3% were married couples living together, 10.9% had a female householder with no husband present, and 43.1% were non-families. 40.3% of all households were made up of individuals and 22.3% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.25 and the average family size was 3.10.

In the borough the population was spread out with 21.8% under the age of 18, 6.8% from 18 to 24, 29.3% from 25 to 44, 22.6% from 45 to 64, and 19.5% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 40 years. For every 100 females there were 100.2 males. For every 100 women age 18 and over, there were 98.2 men.

The median income for a household in the borough was $24,792, and the median income for a family was $34,500. Males had a median income of $27,875 versus $21,000 for females. The per capita income for the borough was $14,785. About 9.5% of families and 10.6% of the population were below the poverty line, including 12.4% of those under age 18 and 7.7% of those age 65 or over.

I have never been to Gilberton, but I am sure if I ever went there I would sooner or later expect to meet Chief Kessler strolling down the street, his trusty weapon on his hip. Why, it I did, I would just walk up to him and shake his hand. And offer him a bullet.

One major comedic source is Barney’s lack of ability with a firearm. After numerous misfires (usually a Colt .38 caliber revolver), Andy restricts Barney to carrying only one bullet in his shirt pocket, “in case of an emergency.” But, the bullet always seems to find its way back into the gun, where Barney usually accidentally shoots it. Usually into the floor, or the ceiling. The accidental discharge of Barney’s gun becomes a running gag. Another gag has Barney locking himself or together with Andy in one of the jail cells, with the keys just out of reach. Realizing that they can’t get out, they shamelessly yell for help.

All right, that’s a bit of a cheap shot, but the truth is a little better.

GIRARDVILLE – The Gilberton police chief’s handgun that discharged during a scuffle in a borough bar early Sunday has yet to be recovered by state police.

Troopers are investigating an incident where Mark Kessler, who was off-duty at the time, became involved in an altercation already under way among patrons inside a crowded 2nd Street Pub about midnight when his pistol discharged, shooting him in the hand.

Sgt. Barry Whitmoyer, commander of the Frackville station, said Friday the weapon had not been accounted for and it is not known if the gun was fired intentionally or went off by accident.

“We don’t have the weapon and still have a lot of questions to answer,” Whitmoyer said. “At this point we really don’t know what we have.”

However, Whitmoyer said all indications show that no other weapons were involved.

It’s really good news that no other gun was involved, because it there had been another gun, then there would have been a gun fight for sure, and we know who’s going to win any gun fight in Schuylkill County.

Wait! The news gets even better:

FRACKVILLE — A new hat has been thrown into the ring for the election of Schuylkill County sheriff with Mark Kessler declaring himself a write-in candidate for the office.

The embattled police chief of Gilberton, Kessler announced his candidacy on his “Chief Mark Kessler” Facebook page and his website at Kessler is running as an independent against incumbent Sheriff Joseph G. Groody, a democrat, and republican challenger Patrick Reynolds in the Nov. 5 general election.

A Frackville resident, Kessler said in a phone interview that he had been considering running for sheriff for some time.

Hot Dog! Better watch out, Sheriff Taylor. Barney’s got his eye on your job.

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